I told her I loved her…
Bisi and I have been going on for over two years now. Any third party would feel we are in a relationship, but we are not, though I wish we were. We’ve just had this thing going on (well, it’s been tagged situationship). We also see others in between but we have been each other’s go-to/main buddies.
We got introduced by a mutual friend and it’s been cool, really cool. We’ve been comfortable with the arrangement. Unwritten rules on how we are not exclusive yet there for each other. She hardly says no to my requests. Sometimes I feel her body is just waiting for me. I find it comfortable sharing things with her and I think she does though I sense her holding out on me sometimes.
I told her I loved her, and she laughed. She laughed! I’m referring to the proper definition of LOL. Was I funny? Was the situation funny? I thought we felt the same way. I thought I wasn’t the only one who felt we were more than the whole situationship.
It was a dull Saturday morning and I decided to take a walk, just two streets from mine, all in the quest to wake myself up and snap out of the whole gloomy situation I find myself due to the call I got from my dad the night before.
“Simple and sweet” by Jon Bellion sips into my ears. I looked at my phone to check who might be disturbing my me-time. My G! How far, Ola? I hailed my childhood friend. We spoke for a while and ended up having to promise to visit him in the evening. Sigh! Well, that could be the distraction I need.
Wow! Who is this lady? I thought as I walked into Ola’s apartment, staring at the person seated on the chair. She was introduced to me as Olabisi. She had (still does, sigh) a very cute smile and it came like the sun after a long rainy day. She was surprisingly easy to talk to and we really connected. I got her contact. I didn’t care for my friend’s tease (apparently, that was his motive when he invited both of us separately to his place).
We met after a week and that was it since then. But why did she laugh? Was these two years a joke to her?
“Stop laughing, Bisi. It’s not funny now”, I grumbled. “I thought you were a hard guy now”, she replied in between laughs. I smiled and shook my head. “Can you be serious for once? I wasn’t expecting to feel this way. It just happened”.
“I’m actually traveling to the UK in two weeks. You remember me talking to you about my plans to travel”…her voice trailed off as I struggled to understand what just happened. This conversation about her traveling was just once, which was late last year. She didn’t bring it up again and I felt she wasn’t doing anything in that regard. OMG! I…I don’t even know how to process this. I smiled and put up a front of being fine with the bomb she landed on me.
“I’m sorry for just bringing this up, B. I’ve been trying to do so for a while, but I don’t know how you would take it. And I also wasn’t sure it would work out. Everything just clicked yesterday. I’m so sorry. I will be with you as much as I can before I have to leave. And I do feel strongly for you also.”
What am I to do with this info, please? I feel hurt and heartbroken right now but there is nothing I can do. I wonder how long it would take before I can get over this. I am so damn used to her. Sigh. Maybe if I had not acknowledged my love for her…maybe if I had kept these feelings buried…sigh. I can’t change anything now. Sigh.
