The Heartache of Endings
My heart breaks every time a chapter needs to be closed.
There’s this ache that comes when a good book ends, no matter the way it ended.
The fact that I have to bid farewell to the characters I connected with, makes my heart ache every time.
I started to prefer reading series, and collections of books because then I can go on a longer ride and meet diverse people alongside the characters as I read.
But that was worse. Whenever I get to the last page of the last book in the collection, I can’t help but feel like I’m about to lose another group of people.
I grew up reading lots of stories that till date, I cannot differentiate which of the stories/experiences in my memory are fiction or which are not.
My imagination of each was so vivid.
They were my friends, my confidantes.
I was comfortable in my own company because I had lots of friends to talk to.
I can’t even remember when I started to view myself in the third person.
I catch myself having conversations with different parts of myself, different parts I created with different personalities from books I read.
I created diverse versions of myself and got used to making deliberations about the real me.
Sometimes, it feels so real.
At some point, I forgot what my real face looked like and always get jolted to reality whenever I’m looking at a picture taken.
I stare at the lines, the frame…I trace the curves, stare at my complexion…
When someone compliments me, I wonder what the person saw
Then I read about people with multiple personalities and wonder if I fall into that category
Is that why my decision-making flickers so much?
But I love having conversations with all of them. I love reading with them all. I love taking walks with them all.
We get along so well.
I can’t deny I met amazing people I’ve called friends along the way. Some are now even family.
Emotional entanglements are a different tale. It varied over the years.
I think I enjoy myself too much
I thought I had the walls put down. Maybe they were at a point but they are back up now. Sigh
Another chapter may or may not close now.
It’s crazy how it’s the other character’s emotions I feel and not mine.
I read a book about a man lost at sea for over 300 days, who had to eat his friend who died, amongst the diverse things he went through…I went around feeling lost and sad for a week or so before I got carried away by another book.
Now, I’m feeling his emotions and my heart breaks.
Relationships ought to come with either trailers, ratings, or reviews like the books I read.
It would save lots of hearts from breaking
It would save lots of minds, stop lots of dreams from being envisioned, and save lots of friendships.
But no
There are so many now walking with broken hearts.
Lots of people become mean due to experiences.
Lots of laughter lost in the quest for happiness
I have nothing left save to trust Him who loves me more than I love myself.
I have nothing left save abandon myself to him who cares for me more I care for myself
I have nothing left save to keep believing he has it all under control and will keep leading me
Laters
